Thursday, January 29, 2009

Options




I had been in and out of relationships.

I actually stopped counting when I realized that I only have ten fingers in both of my hands. Although, I initially tried counting the strands of my hair, but just like what you can imagine, it was tedious, so I stopped.

Relationships, for me, are the very essence of man’s existence. They shape us into the very person we are right now. Though, some people value relationship at different degrees, I am almost certain, that one can never survive the cruelty or the challenges (depending on your point of view) of life without going through a relationship.

A friend told me after our drinking session that dating is just like “keeping his options open”. With too much alcohol streaming all over my body, I passively agreed not really knowing what he actually meant.

When I woke up the next day, when all of the alcohol had been flushed into the toilet bowl, I remembered what he told me. Relationships as options.

“Options for what?” I asked.

Then after discussing the matter with myself, I suddenly felt bad.

Were I just an option to the people I had intimate relationships with? Was this the very same reason why I always end up by myself, alone, after days and months of passionately dating?

Despite the playful image my friends would normally attach to my persona, I would consider myself a serious lover. I give my all until it terribly hurts which probably explain why I always feel exhausted, if not totally consumed, right after an ugly break-up. Relationship for me is the bread and butter of life. Without it, life would be nothing but a lonely journey.

Oftentimes, right after a break-up or a separation, I usually would point accusing fingers on me. Partly hating myself for blowing up a potential life-long commitment.

Never did I imagine that I could have been right, instead of me being always wrong.

What if the other sees the relationship just like another simple option, while I see it as a loving intimate commitment? Would I still be taking the blame… or at least hating myself for not loving more?

Options may come in different forms. Others may see relationships as a life-long ticket for bottomless beer and endless parties. For some, it is a great, free and no-string-attached sex. But no matter how we see relationship, it is everything but option.

Options are the menus we take every time we dine in a fancy restaurant… a multiple choice questions we take in a quarterly exam… but not in relationships.

We date and we fall in love primarily because we feel the need of it… of having someone to stand next to us whenever life gets tough. We do not go out there, look for someone and then hope that probably s/he is one of the many options life can offer.
Relationships, just like people, are never a touch-and-go or hit-and-run situation. In life, you either touch or go, hit or run.

22 comments:

Chyng said...

Nicely written.

Hhhmmm, agree din ako that dating = options. Options to stick, to go away, to continue. I like that line "what if that person sees you as an option?"

Sherwin said...

Thanks chyng! probably, dating for some maybe a real option. But then, when the other person already started investing feelings on you tapos wala ka paring nararamdaman, I think its time to go... meaning, no more steamy sex or whatsoever. Wag na nating paasahin ika nga.

:)

Chyng said...

Aha, tama hinala ko. Yan yung making paasa the girl and the guy is still unsure.

Win, nasend na pala pics ha. ;)

Sherwin said...

Yup yup. Ang bilis nga eh pag ikaw humuhingi kay jeric. hehehehe. inaabot ako ng 3 million light years. buti na lang pinadaan ko sayo. hehehe.

Anonymous said...

May asim...

hahahaha.

Grabe, pangalanan na lang natin kaya.

Whoever this person is (oh, pretending di ko alam), I'm sure the person will realize later kung ano talaga gusto niya. Mahirap pigilin kung ano ang totoong nararamdaman. Im wishing this person for the best.

Ang sweet ko. :)

enrico said...

haha. talgang dito pa tayo nagkwentuhan. as if hindi naman napag-usapan ito nung party.

agree din ako sa dating = options. a person can date different individuals tapos if you found the person na willing ka magtake ng risk at magseryoso, gogogo na dun. saka hindi naman tayo manhid para hindi malaman if the other person is already falling for us. so kung wala ka pa sa stage magseryoso, i think it's important to let the other person know kung ano ang intentions mo so you don't leave them hanging or wondering kung ano na set up niyo. to the other person naman, unless wala namang pagtatapat na nagaganap, don't assume. para hindi ka rin masaktan.

Sherwin said...

@anonymous,

This was really never an attack to a particular person...

thanks for dropping though... i can't wait to read your new blog na!

@enrico,

You nailed it jeric, dapat pala ikaw na lang nagsulat nito. hehehehehe. :)

uglykidjoey said...

In life, you either touch or go, hit or run. ---> so true

Elyong said...

Wow, realizations, reflections... sometimes we think too much, we over interpret simple things in life. But i love you post.. haha

Sherwin said...

@joey & elyong,

Thanks for dropping by... :)

Elyong said...

Happy Valentines Day. Hope you will have one and have a wonderful day today.

Harden said...

mahirap mag comment, matanda n ako di ko p naransan magmahal at mahalin ako...lol pano ba un.. sana maka hanap n ako... happy valentine's to you..

Denis said...

promising blog

DATS said...

'Relationship for me is the bread and butter of life. Without it, life would be nothing but a lonely journey'
----no, its not a lonely journey. if its going to be a lonely one maybe because you chose to be lonely.
There's an option to be Happy.

Sherwin said...

@Elyong & Harden - sorry for the late reply. Thanks for the valentine greeting.

@Denis - thanks for the comment

@Dats - I'll put that in mind always. Thanks for the comment.

Mokong said...

TUKAYO... SHERWIN HERE!
Thanks for following my blog, i also add you into my blogroll.
Thanks & kepp on posting!

Sherwin said...

@ mokong,

No problem... its nice to know na may katukayo ako dito sa blogspot and an engineer at that. :)

Novell said...

novell here, first time.

sa buhay ang importante, your heart is in everything that you do,

be it relationship or work. as the old adage says, do what your heart says is right.

yun ang important, kasi we maybe doing what is right sa mata ng tao, right nga siya, pero the question is ... yun ba ang gusto ng ating puso

a man's ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart.

denzmeister said...

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Congratulations!

Leon Koh said...

seemed like there are many cute bloggers in philipines.. hehe

you have a lovely blog here.. happened to surf into it

Leon
invite you to my blog too
http://hanleong.blogspot.com

Leon Koh said...

just drop by to read your blog.. happy day ahead :)

Inkversified said...

"Partly hating myself for blowing up a potential life-long commitment.

Never did I imagine that I could have been right, instead of me being always wrong."

"what if that person sees you as an option?"

I once said to someone, "Please don't make a feel like I am an OPTION because for me, you never were, you were a CHOICE."